I've realized...

...that it's not that bad here. A few people have pointed out to me how uptight I am constantly. They're right. I'm really stressed out lately. I always procrastinate, it's not good at all. I just need to chill. From here on out, I'm going to try to be more outgoing, optimistic, and nicer. Today was my first day trying to be nice for no reason. I picked about ten random people that are friends of mine and did little favors for them. Some took it for granted, others appreciated it. Imagine if everyone in the world did that, every day? It would be so much of a better place. Well, here's one man, to start.

I can barely breathe.

I don't know which place is home anymore. I refer to "home" as a place where one constantly lives for a generally long amount of time. Neither of the places that I live in can I say that about, anymore. They both feel temporary. It's as if both Bethlehem and Rochester are two gigantic bubbles, slightly touching, but I'm stuck in between the soap films of the two. If I submerge myself completely into one, the other will pop. Questions beckon for their answers on different halves of my brain. The days are getting longer, but I still feel that emptiness. The lack of good friends I've got here multiplies by the day, because of my unforgivable actions. I prayed to God today for the first time in months. I think that explains how I feel right now.

Fuck 'em.

It has come to my attention that freshman at this school have been treated like scum. Each day I spend in the Photo Arts building here opens my eyes to some more bad blood brewing. One thing that really gets on my nerves is the fact that freshman (no matter how knowledgeable we are with cameras) are not allowed to take out higher end cameras. I can't even take out a D300, which isn't even full frame. It's quite ridiculous. I have sufficient knowledge of the D300, since I worked at Circuit City. I sold it. I know it quite well, probably better than a decent percentage of the upperclassmen. What if we have an idea where we want to use a camera that has more than 12 megapixels? We're screwed. I've been told by my TA that a couple pictures of mine are worthy of going back and shooting with a 4x5 medium format camera. I would love to do something like that...but wait...I can't do that until NEXT YEAR. Okay, here's the counter argument. I understand that a majority of freshman may not know how to even use a camera such as the D300, and also the fact that they don't rent them out to us because the upperclassmen need them. I get that. However, for people like me, who actually know how to use one, should be able to. What I propose is some sort of test on the fundamentals of higher end cameras for freshman. Those that pass should be able to take out such cameras. I think it would be a great idea, maybe I'll let our Dean know or whoever deals with that junk. I don't even care if it won't get implemented this year. The people next year who are in a position like I am deserve better. You know what else is complete bullshit? Some of the people who work in the cages or the print labs. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like everyone has their period 24/7(girl or guy). A vast majority of them are so stuck up with themselves that as soon as they swipe your ID and see that you're a freshman they get that "ugh" look on their face. I've grown so tired of this because it's so predictable. I understand that they're pissed because many of us are inexperienced and don't know exactly what we want when we approach a cage/printing lab. But if you didn't want to deal with that shit, then why'd you take the job? Put a smile on and deal with it. If you're as nasty as you are to us in the real world at a real job, expect to pack your shit up and get fired. Seriously, the other day, I was printing my triptych for my project, and the girl working the ESP was having a bad day so she was letting her anger show. It was really obvious. She was extremely rude about the form I had to fill out for how big/what kind of paper/what not(which I had never done before). I'm just tired of all these snotty hipsters who let their bad days affect them at their jobs. If you're having a shitty day, shut the fuck up about it until you're out of work. Because honestly, there are plenty of people out there, like myself, who would be glad to take your job, and can do it much better with a smile on our faces. Rambling: complete.

Out of sync.

I did not take this image. It just its the mood for the entry. I think it's beautiful. It proves that simplicity can provolk thoughts of complexity.

"I'm here to sneak into your bunk, and wake you. It's 3 am. My cousin is asleep below you. We must be quiet. Your toes flinch as they meet the cold tile floor. I silently slide open the door and we tiptoe out onto the deck. I've got your sandals already. I lock the gate as we creep down the wooden stairs. The tall grass tickles our calves as we stroll through the field behind the house. The different glows of the traffic lights are the only thing changing for miles. The ambience reflects off the street in a million different directions through tiny specks of shattered glass. We hit the sand like we were born to run in it. We take off jogging, laughing through the waves. Caught up in a caucophony of sound around us. Lights from the houses above go on. Our laughs are hushed into giggles. A door opens. We sprint up to the top of the sandbar, cutting off the field of view. He yells false claims of catching us but we know we're invincible on a night like this. We wait, alert, eyes locked, smirking, until we hear the muffled thud of a door shutting in frustration. We lay there in the chilled sand, with the moonlight on our backs. And it's in that exact moment, when you're halfway into a sigh of relief, when it happens. Before you can exhale, I'm breathing in what you needed to breathe out."

Call me crazy.

It's been a long time since I've found inspiration to write on here.
All I know is that right now, my girlfriend and I aren't doing so well, due to some big mistakes of mine that I feel terrible about.

Miserable wouldn't cover how I feel. I was walking in the tunnels here at school and I overlooked a tiny piece of paper, walking right past it. Something told me to turn around and just take a quick look at it. I don't believe in this sort of thing, but this was worthy to be shared.

This is that piece of paper.



Was it a sign or just a coincidence?
An age old question that I'm sure we've all asked ourselves at least once in our lives.
We'll never know the answer.

Please operator, collect call to Allentown.

First. I'm not really sure whether or not to bring a full technical aspect to this assignment. I'll figure that out later.
Anyway. Lately, I'm a lightswitch. I'm a mess, or I'm content. Flashbacks from my grandmother's life keep poking me unexpectedly. I jump every time.

I feel like this image brings out that feeling.